Valentine’s Day was a few weeks ago, and my social media feed sparked a thought I’ve been considering since then. (Yes, it takes me a while to process things sometimes.) I saw post after post that included something along the lines of “real love doesn’t look like flowers and chocolate one day a year; it looks like ______” – full tanks of gas in the car, well-maintained lawns and houses, snow and ice cleared off cars and driveways, trash taken to the curb, diapers changed, dishes washed, months or years of a daily commitment to a less-than-ideal job, etc. The common denominator was that each of these posts highlighted the small daily acts of selfless service, and underscored the need for reasonable expectations and accurate definitions.
If our paradigm discounts these easily-missed small proofs of love, or our definition of love excludes them, we’re setting the stage for disappointment, bitterness, and resentment to take root. We’ll be looking for the flashy and expensive – and shallow – moments, and completely overlook the truly meaningful ones. That’s not only true of romantic relationships, but of how we think of the Lord as well.
We know from Scripture that God our Father gives us good gifts (James 1:17; Luke 11:11-13; Matthew 7:1) and that he loves us. But if we’re looking for a sign of sorts, for the proof of his love, let’s make sure we’re looking for the right thing. The Lord doesn’t prove his love for us by blessing us materially (although if you read only the Old Testament, you might get that idea). The big house, the nice car, the well-paying job, the unblemished physical health should not be held up as the ultimate, fail-safe evidence of his love. Although some of his children do receive those things, they’re not promised signs of his favor or affection. John gives us a clear indicator in 1 John 4:10: “Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.”
With the Lord’s help, we can not just assent to this mentally, but truly believe it the next time we’re tempted to question whether he truly loves us.