A Push-Back Against Victim-Blaming

Last week I devoted some space here to address the way the church in particular has responded in the face of brutality and death over the last several months, and to plead for compassion and gentleness in the questions that we ask and the comments that we make. I also expressed my intention to cover what I believe is the driving force behind those questions, so here goes:

The particular questions/comments to which I’m referring are those such as “Well, (s)he was high”; “You know (s)he was really a criminal”; “(S)he robbed somebody”; “Did (s)he have any active warrants?”; “Was (s)he a drug dealer?”. I really see these as parallels to a frequent response to a different kind of assault: “What was she wearing?”; “Did she flirt with him?”; “Why was she walking in that place at that time?”; “She must have led him on”. News flash, in case you were unaware: these questions are extraordinarily UNhelpful! Intentionally or not, they shift the responsibility from the perpetrator to the victim. 

So what is the root question behind that line of questioning? Most of the time, I think it’s grounded in fear. We’re not really interested in the details of each situation. Rather, we are often – if not usually or always – and perhaps even subconsciously looking for reassurance that it will not happen to us. As long as I’m not high, as long as I don’t have any active warrants, as long as I’m not a drug dealer, as long as I’m wearing “appropriate” clothing, as long as I walk where I belong, then I will be safe. My good behavior means that I will be ok. The truth of the matter though is that there is no reassurance. There is no guarantee of safety. As long as we live in a fallen and broken world, our safety relies not on our own actions, our individual willingness to abide by the rules and follow laws and social norms, but on the willingness of those around us to do the same.* Regardless of the circumstances that surround each “event”, our decisions affect others, our actions influence others, but each is responsible for his or her own choices and actions. There’s no “(S)he made me do X”. We make those decisions for ourselves; we each decide what is the best course of action moving forward, and the responsibility lies with each of us.

I’m far from the only or first person to think of this. Most of the writing I could find particularly addresses sexual assault – see this post on the STARS website, and this one from Psychology Today – but the concepts hold regardless of the exact nature of the circumstances.

So what are we to do? There are a few things we’d do well to keep in mind:

1, I think it’s clear that there’s a difference between wise and foolish behavior. We need to practice discernment to know the difference, and choose accordingly, even as we recognize that wise decisions are no guarantee.

2, place responsibility where it belongs. However foolish the behavior leading up to the assault – and again, I’m speaking of ALL kinds of assault – the victim is not the one to be blamed.

3, trust the Lord for the outcome. We’re not promised physical safety and security just because we’re followers of Christ. If anything, we’re promised the opposite. (John 15:20 and 16:33 would be good places to start.) We’re also promised though that Jesus knows those that are His, and no one will snatch them out of His hand. (John 10:28-30; 2 Timothy 2:19). With our eternal security in hand, the potential for bodily harm is a little easier to face.

*Please don’t take this to be an argument against the providential sovereignty of God. Not only do I believe that the Lord does rule over all, I believe He does so actively and purposefully. I also believe that Scripture clearly teaches that we as individuals are responsible for the decision we make and the action we take though, and no one is absolved from personal accountability because God is sovereign.