“A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.” (Prov. 18:2)
Ouch. The book of Proverbs has quite a bit to say about fools, and sometimes that can inspire a little bit of pride as I read them. “Nope, that’s not something I would ever consider doing! All good here!” (I’m pretty sure 1 Corinthians 10:12 might apply in many of those cases though….) Some of them are more middle ground, and I can acknowledge that occasionally I might have trouble with that, or in the past it was a bigger struggle. And some of them – like this one – stop me in my tracks and really make me think.
In the last few weeks, I’ve had personal experience with at least a couple individuals who were far more interested in expressing their opinions than understanding what another had to say, and reason seemed to have been checked at the door. Both instances left me feeling frustrated and unheard and dismissed – and a little bit attacked too. We all want to be heard and understood; it’s one of the ways we feel seen and valued. As frustrating as it is when someone genuinely attempts to interpret our words accurately and misses the mark, that feeling of annoyance is magnified so much more when our listener doesn’t even make the effort to try. It often comes across as arrogance, and few things fill me with self-righteous indignation faster than arrogance. (In someone else, anyone; my own arrogance is completely fine. It’s not even arrogance; merited pride in educated accuracy is more like it. (Tongue-in-cheek, to be clear, since you can’t hear my tone.))
I’d really hate to hazard a guess as to how many times I’ve instigated such feelings in someone else though, even over the last few weeks. I’m writing to myself on this; anyone else who happens to read is more just reading over my shoulder. How much better would it be to make the effort to listen well, to put a hold on my own opinion and at least attempt to understand another’s view? It can only strengthen relationships and mitigate misunderstandings and frustration; there’s not really a downside to that. I’m not saying that we can’t ever correct a factual error, for example, or counter a particular point; however, that needs to be done gently and humbly, only after we’re certain we truly understand, to the best of our ability, what they’ve said and what they meant.
Anyone who’s read a book, or had a conversation, or even read an internet article about how to develop good listening skills has, I’m sure, been told that a good listener focuses fully on what the other person is saying and tries to understand that, rather than trying to decide how to respond to what they’ve been told. I’m pretty sure no one would call me a great listener – fair to middling, at best, if I’m being optimistic – and this verse was something of a wake-up to me. As there’s a measure of personal responsibility in the process of growing holiness in daily conduct, this is something I intend to work on in the coming days.
It is hard to listen to someone who I interpret their tone or mannerisms as arrogance.
I struggle with it also. But I am very, very slowly learning to look past what and how they are saying something, and wonder why they have those opinions and deliver them with such certainty. It could be a lack of confidence in themselves, so what they think they know, they expound on it like a judge. We all need patience, and forgiveness (especially me) like Col 3:13. Thank you for pointing out something that can be a stumbling block for many people.