This seems to have been a summer full of loss. There are 5 families close to me – including my own, actually – who have lost loved ones since that’s the beginning of the summer, and whether that’s a coincidence or more a symptom of growing older, I’m not sure. But one of the outworkings of that is I’ve been thinking quite a bit about grief, and how we comfort those who grieve.
In our Wednesday study a few years ago, we learned how NOT to comfort those who are grieving and suffering, when we studied Job. (If you were part of that study or are otherwise familiar with the book, you might recall that Job called his friends “miserable comforters”. (Job 16:2) ) Hopefully none of those who lost loved ones this summer were “comforted” in the same way Job’s friends engaged with him. There are, though, some common themes that emerge as we extend sympathy towards the grieving. We’re probably all familiar with at least a few of them: they’re no longer in pain, they’re in a better place, this will make you stronger, the Lord never gives you more than you can handle, I know how you feel, etc. Some of these are true, especially when illness or disease has been a significant factor. What I find odd, though, is what is often missing.
Paul addresses grief over the death of loved ones in 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18. Here he says that we should be informed, and not grieve as those who have no hope. His focus in the following verses isn’t on where the one who has passed is right now, or on the memories we have, or on the ones who have to continue living. Rather, his focus is on the return of the Lord. I find it fitting that the focus of the comfort offered by Paul is on the sure and steadfast promise of the Lord: that He will indeed return, that when He does He will bring with Him those who have already died, and that “so we will always be with the Lord”. This isn’t conjecture on Paul’s part, or a well-educated guess; rather, he declares it by a word from the Lord.
Culturally, I’m not certain how this comfort would be received. It’s outside of what we are accustomed to hearing. But Paul says in v18 that these words are encouragement, and I, for one, find them to indeed be so. It’s not that we don’t grieve; rather, we grieve differently. We grieve with hope.